Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize