guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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