Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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