I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
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