Sorry, I don't speak sober.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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