sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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