His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
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