I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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