there's paper in my vomit.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
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I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
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couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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