He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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