I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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