do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize