Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
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he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
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All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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