I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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