If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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