im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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