dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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