having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
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i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
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So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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