I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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