He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize