Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
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I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
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It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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