In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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