doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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