My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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