You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
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"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
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So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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