I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i was born a porn star she said
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize