That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
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College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
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My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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