I cannot find my penis.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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