Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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