im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize