what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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