Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
She said her name was "party"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
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