sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize