Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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