Someone shit on the floor
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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