remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
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We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
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I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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