Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
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I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
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If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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