Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize