I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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