Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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