Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
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