so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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