I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
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No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
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It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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