Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
we're making bets on your personal life
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Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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