Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize