If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
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Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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