Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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