I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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