Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
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I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
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So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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