Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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