I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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